


Alone

by CrackedActress



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Anger Management, Forbidden Love, Force Ghosts, Introspection, Jedi Training, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 23:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4157829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrackedActress/pseuds/CrackedActress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Revenge of the Sith, Obi-Wan is alone on Tatooine. He's keeping an eye on Luke, but he's also training with his old master to achieve immortality. The presence of Qui-Gon's spirit helps him to cure his damaged soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Please read: unfortunately, English is not my first language. I apologize for any mistake you'll find in the text. I hope they're not too many and they don't prevent readers from enjoying the fanfic!

Alone. Like a hermit or a mad man. Alone for decades, barely seeing other people, barely talking to them. He was starting to forget, to forget even his real name and to think of himself as the old, mad Ben Kenobi, but he couldn't afford it. He had to remember, because the future of the young Luke Skywalker depended on him. He failed with his father, he failed so badly he caused the end of the Jedi Order; he promised himself he wouldn't fail with Luke. The thought of Anakin and his fall to the dark side was still painful for Obi-Wan. It was the biggest failure of his life, as a man and as a master: he needed to make amends for that.  
He could have forgotten, yes. His memories could have faded into the void, the pain and the sense of guilt finally gone, but the mission and the boy were more important than everything else. He couldn’t abandon Luke.  
But he wasn’t truly alone in his battle. There was someone who reminded him of that every day, someone he loved more than anyone, even if as a Jedi he shouldn't have, at least not in that way.  
He was alone, but he had Qui-Gon Jinn.  
It was strange, at first, to see his old master like a spirit, glowing, distant and weightless. He wanted to reach out to him, to touch his skin once again, as he hadn't been able to do in a very long time. He forced himself not to try to do it, knowing that every effort would have been useless. Their first, brief encounters were mostly silent, and Obi-Wan couldn’t help but think that it was strange of Qui-Gon. They used to talk all the time when they were master and padawan, about everything. Obi-Wan admired his master’s knowledge of the secrets of the Force, but sometimes he disapproved of his rebel attitude towards the Jedi Council. They used to argue, a lot. Discussing every decision his master made was one big regret of Obi-Wan, among many others. He thought about apologizing now that he had the chance to speak to him again, but what for? His master no longer belonged to this world and these discussions probably didn’t mean anything to him anymore. Especially after all that was happened.  
When they began to talk, it was even stranger. There were times when it was like being young again, when Qui-Gon seemed to be the same as he was in life. Obi-Wan would ask him his usual long and complicated questions, but this time he would wait patiently for the answers.  
There were also other times when Obi-Wan only focused on his training, the most difficult he had ever experienced. He would spend days and weeks meditating in his hut, barely eating or sleeping. It was exhausting, but the presence of his old master by his side gave him the strength to face all the difficulties.  
And finally there were times when he was livid, as a Jedi shouldn’t be. He was angry with Anakin, with himself, with Palpatine. The solitude made his rage so strong he could feel a hint of temptation of the dark side inside his soul. But his master never left him. Indeed, those were the times when the connection with Qui-Gon became even more intense, almost physical. The first time it happened at night: Obi-Wan was dreaming about Anakin again. His burned body was in front of him, his screams of suffering were still in Obi-Wan’s ears. The pain of betrayal, loss and failure was choking him, and for the first time in his life he felt the desire for death. All of a sudden a firm, heavy hand was on his chest, and Qui-Gon's deep voice spoke to him.  
"Your heart is still full of rage for the loss of your padawan. I can hear it screaming. You need to forgive yourself, Obi-Wan, you need to do it if you want to protect and train Luke."  
When he woke up, the rage was gone, and his chest felt lighter than it was in decades.  
They never talked about what happened between them when they were master and padawan. It was wrong and forbidden, they knew it well, and still they shared the most profound bond. Being able to see again his master’s lips and not touching them was painful and tormenting for Obi-Wan, but he knew that Qui-Gon belonged to the Force by then. He was in front of him and had his old appearance, but it was nothing but pure energy.  
He was thankful for the chance of meeting him again without longing for more.  
The memories of those moments, though. They never faded away. They were as strong as the first day, as his feelings for his master, and he realized he was afraid of losing him for the second time. It was a wrong fear for a Jedi, especially for someone who completed the Jedi training many years ago.  
“Are you going to leave my side when my training will be complete?” he asked Qui-Gon one day he made much progress.  
His master hesitated for a moment, then he smiled. “I will never leave your side, Obi-Wan.”  
He already knew that, but he needed to hear it aloud. He didn’t answer, and waited for Qui-Gon to speak again.  
“The moment will come soon”, his master added, without smiling anymore.  
“I know, master. I can feel it in the Force.” Obi-Wan had felt what was coming, his fate was clear in his mind. He had been preparing for years and years, and Luke Skywalker was becoming an adult.  
“You’ll face your worst regret”, Qui-Gon warned him, and he felt a hand on his shoulder, “but you’re ready: your final training is almost complete.”  
“I’m not afraid, master. Not anymore.”  
He continued to meditate without expressing his full thoughts, because somehow he knew that Qui-Gon knew them already. Obi-Wan wasn’t afraid of facing his future, and he wasn’t afraid of dying, because he had the Force and his master by his side. He was alone, but he would never be alone.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for the event "Screw prompts, give me points!" organized by the Fb group "Prompt me now!" (prompt n° 31 and 32).


End file.
